Ha!

I just wanna go home or at least just find some place I don´t feel so alone. But with my friends and family (and things that are so familiar to me) I can´t seem to bend the boundaries restricting me from everything, eternity, infinity. Not that immortality is something that I want to touch or even get to know (that much). Fuck responsibility , we´re animals, we need to be alive right now and find some food some blood or warm skin we call love and love and love and love.

So here I sit in front of a glowing screen that seperates me from reality. It´s lost in space. The light´s surreal and so devouring and tames my time I´ve saved so diligently. But what are we doing here. Why are you here? I think I don´t know, but really I don´t want to. I don´t want to think or write or breathe. I don´t want to come or stay or leave or even find another place to be. I just need mountains and the sea. I just need dirt and food to eat. I just need friends and family. I just need strangers in the street. I just need something endlessly. I just need decisons made for me. I just need something endlessly.

Some say I´m something that I´m not. Some say that this should bother me. I could run away or turn around or put another person down or refuse to smile for a week or laugh or kiss you when we greet. But with a world so full of us I rather lets us love. I´d rather not spend my precious time wating it on hate. I´d rather let us love.

I´m here and hungry cooking something I will give away. It not that I don´t want to eat I just know my friend, you´re starving. I see it in your hollow face and in the skin stretched tight over your ribcage. And in your mind you think its fine but time tells another fate.

Time tells us when to pause and when to play. Time tells us not to wait. Time says a million seconds can´t amount to much but time is so cliché. Infinity exists right now as it does after mortality. There´s nothing quite so grand as death in one´s own mind but in reality its grave. There is nobody watching me but still I can´t escape their gaze.

I want to push away, away. Away to other days.

Sean